I thought when I started this blog, it would be liberating. Let me share with you my reasons.

1. I didn’t have any expectations and was blissfully ignorant of my low blogging IQ. I just wanted a place where I could be “free” and discuss with my own thoughts, desires, resignations, insecurities, etcetera. No one could dictate my content, length, or purpose. In fact, I wanted this outlet to help me figure it out, to solidify my purpose.

2. My posts were done in secrecy. Because I was involved in this secret “thing” I did in the wee hours of the morning, it gave me a sense of value. There is no really intelligent reasoning behind it. It simply was my secret thing! Very few people knew about this blog, my tiny carved out online presence. The anonymity is really awesome!

3. I was ignorant to blogging. I didn’t really know the etiquette on blogging.

The more I got into this blogging “thing”, I started researching on blogging in general.

Totally messed me up!!! It was like eating the forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge! If I could include a sound bite of me sucking my teeth, I would (just don’t know how to yet because I’m still unskilled at this blogging thing). Anyway, KNOWLEDGE became intoxicating, addicting.

I wanted to explore ways of optimizing my site.

I wanted to play with formats.

I wanted to create a newsletter.

I wanted to create an online store (which is something I’ve been thinking about since before I started blogging).

I wanted, I wanted, I WANTED!

I wanted the blogging platform itself to be EXTANT.

What I didn’t anticipate was the self imposed deadlines for posting. Oh My Goodness! When you are trying to ensure you post somewhat regularly, it is not easy. I have 1-2 partially written blogs at any moment because of writer’s block. When writing, often times I may get stuck on the direction I may want to pursue.

I didn’t expect that each blog actually may take 3 days before completion. image I’ve yet to sit down in one session and simply write my blog to completion. Every time I read what I’ve created, I find so many things wrong! The grammar sucks. The tone of my writing style may sound too dark or serious, when in my real life I’m actually pretty silly. Writing exposed what my true voice sounds like. OMG OMG OMG!

This world of online blogging has become a constant reminder of “GOTCHA”. 

Let’s not forget how I may have a brilliant topic when doing something and then later I go to write about it and draw a blank. Now I’m getting smarter and leaving draft email for myself as soon as I have an idea.

Wanna know something else (just nod and feign interest)? I am already starting to feel insecure. After looking at other blogs that I follow just because, I swear I felt like I ate from the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Instead of being a consumer of information, I was now seeing with fresh eyes what I wanted to do for this blog site. Boooooooooo me! My brief age of innocence is now shattered!

Remember when I thought I would use my blog to help me figure out my purpose? Well I was sitting in church (September 11th) and my pastor mentioned finding purpose when serving. Now I’m sitting here thinking, how can I serve via this blog?

I already miss the days (all 1.5 months of them) when I would blog just because it was my own secret thing I did, … when I was excited to say “something”. I’m not a financial guru, I’m not an economist, a fitness somebody, a YouTube sensation, … I’m your average everyday citizen looking to be more EXTANT.

Now I must figure out how I’m gonna maintain some of my original intent for why I decided to blog, but perhaps with purpose? I thought my purpose was just for my own SELFISH benefit but maybe it isn’t?

Ughhhhh!

Originally posted 2016-09-19 05:50:24. Republished by Blog Post Promoter