My husband awakened me Monday around 4:30am … you see, he gets up at that time to get ready for work.

He arrives to work around “O dark thirty” (old military time for me) in order to work long enough to retrieve our children before after care starts. I in turn go in to work later to ensure we do not enroll our children in before care. Yep 9:00am arrival time for me sucks… makes for a long day. All this to avoid extraneous costs for before and aftercare for four children. Just one of our methods for saving money.

Because I was awakened early (like usual), I was sitting there lying in bed dreading the work week, the crazy hours, the homework, the daily minutia.

Out of nowhere I was embarrassed. Truly embarrassed. Ungrateful even.

I am fortunate to have a “good” job, a husband that isn’t psycho, 4 amazing kids, and my health. One of my girlfriends just lost her cousin to cancer this weekend, who left behind a husband and children. It was a truly sad situation too. So yeah, I was embarrassed for my lack of gratitude.

So I took the time for a moment to think about nothing…. and everything.

I sat there thinking about being more grateful. Being more positive. I simply lie awake at 4:30am thinking.

Thinking some more.



…and more.

It hit me. HARD. I started thinking about my first world problem of finding my PURPOSE.

There it was. I was thinking about PURPOSE.

Sunday our family sat in church and heard something referencing finding our purpose when serving God’s kingdom. That’s when we will find our true happiness. Perhaps in order for Generation X to be more EXTANT, we need understand our purpose? I don’t know…

What made me start this blog was mainly to address my own anxieties and insecurities. I could carve out my own online presence, knowing I had relative anonymity. I could complain or not complain in a passive aggressive way. No one could dictate the direction I chose, content, or tonality. Never did I imagine I would or should have a true purpose that could serve others.

So in my posts I can tell there is an undertone of angst. Just overall uncertainty and anxiety. I often times think “how did I get here” instead of focusing on “how do I get out of this mental space”.

Today I’m focusing on the intangible blessings I have instead of the things that aren’t perfect. It’s time for me to think about how I can be more EXTANT. I intend to give back more. The schools appear to be where my talents/gifts are best exploited. Serving will be my catalyst to being more EXTANT.

Originally posted 2016-10-06 02:39:28. Republished by Blog Post Promoter