I really don’t want to start out with “7 ways to….” or “The top 10 ways to…”. Every blogger in the free world does that… which explains their success. Perhaps I should consider using this format but my stubbornness has me remaining authentic.

Let me start out by saying this isn’t a woe is me moment, but my hypocrisy continues. I think I have created my blog simply to serve myself when I should be serving others.

I have the luxury of expressing my views while hiding in cyber space. You know, let off steam about things that bug me or even call to attention talking points less discussed. I like to think perhaps one day I may say something inspiring or encouraging to someone. Nonetheless, I actually think there could be a hint of truth in my first set of statements. I might just be a little self-serving.

See, 10 years ago I wrote a fictional book because of wanted to see my name in print by age 30. My first book was based on a collection of experiences from various people I knew at that time. The process was actually pretty cathartic because I accomplished a dream while not taking an employment risk. I learned tons about myself and about others. I learned I can accomplish even that thing that exists beyond my wildest dreams. I learned people will judge me. I learned I would recover from judgement. I learned people would doubt me. I learned I learned I learned.

Occasionally I get asked when I would write another book. Well right now I am attempting to quench that thirst for writing with my novice-ly written conversational blog. I’ve considered putting my name in print again but I struggle with should I write another fictional book or should I write something more “helpful”. If I choose the latter, what claim to authority do I have on whatever subject I choose? Do I simply assume authority?

Ahhhhhhh, there it is. The seed of doubt. Insecurity. Yet I blog about living EXTANTLY. How can I talk about living in said manner and yet I sit in doubt? Will writing this blog, a book, an article….will it help others?

Okay so check this out, I am supposed to simply live in my truth, be positive, re-evaluate how I value “stuff”. Trust me when I tell you I really am trying. It’s just I am not feeling like I am actually fulfilling the “Continuously Grow Yourself, Be of Service, or Make Others Better” portions of being EXTANT.

I am typing this blog in the wee hours of the morning, watching a recorded version of Impractical Jokers on truTV. You know next I will be watching my fave… Judge Judy. THe wee hours in the AM is when I typically have the most clarity and peace. As I type, I hope this doesn’t become another unfinished blog sitting in the queue. Part of my hesitancy to publishing my other unfinished blogs is laziness… do I really want to write on those topics? Another reason is my INSECURITY on whether I should assume authority on the subject matter. Heck, I feel like the interloper, lurking in the digital shadows….

My problem is paralysis of analysis. If only I can just move forward and not think about the backlash. Of course I am aware many may not enjoy my blogging voice… I get it.  In some ways there’s a level of humor because didn’t I just establish I am here for my own purpose, my own self licking ice cream cone? I think my hesitation lies in knowing I simply do not want to dedicate my voice to talking about Trump the weirdo, finances, working out, etcetera. Those topics will rear their heads but I don’t want to be an expert on any of them. I would much rather prefer to talk about why people are feeling hopeless and how to get out of that cycle, where we place our value, what we really value in retirement, what we teach our children, what are true friendships, among other things. Of course these topics are not exclusive, but just not confined to facts and figures. There is a place for that… and I subscribe to those who are good at that sort of thing. I just don’t want to be that kind of person who is always operating in that space. I certainly don’t want to start out with “the top 7 ways to …” because I am tired of being brow beaten with lists.

I guess I am just operating in a different space. So many people are hurting. I mean hurting in ways that no one likes to talk about.

* Generation X women are hurting in the area of companionship
* Many white men are hurting in their perceived lack of a voice
* Children are being placed under an extreme amount of pressure to compete globally
* Our aging parents are in need of a lot of help
* Our country is troubled
* Our youth are confused
* The labor force is becoming less skilled

Now I need to figure out how to serve others and address their discussion topic needs.